Sunday, 1 May 2011

Oh! I disclose some Rumors!!

Months. I don't remember when was the first time I saw. I just did. I was like - Who is? Why so serious? Few weeks later, I found __ laughing at me. Well not those sarcastic laughs! "Cool" was the word, first word came out from __ mouth. Fine. I didn't get angry, very weird of me.

Few days later we met again. Kept on meeting, well there was no other option also. I was having my new days, __ was having too. I didn't know whether __ was hearing about me or seeing me secretly. But I was there doing the 'Hi' & 'Hello'. The small world started becoming small all of sudden. Small Small VERY VERY Small. __ & I along with many ___ started hanging out. But then started the numerous chit-chats, the numerous link-ups, the numerous news updates, rather STATUS updates. I never got bored. I just decided I am not gonna give a bit of importance to such news, rumors, even though gossips were my bit of life. We are good friends, yes good good friends.

Then came the mutual understanding - "Let the whole world say what they want to, we know what we are". I told myself that more, although what the world said, what the mutual understanding meant, what we were - all these I didn't know. The very statement meant real small to me. I was rather too busy doing things like - River rafting, Bungee-Jumping, Boxing, Taekwondo inside my head. However the mutual understanding did some changes. __ & Me started going around, AS FRIENDS, yes! Before you readers start doing - Ahem Ahem!! Gala time we started having and behind our back, people among themselves started discussing our STATUS updates! It again didn't matter as long as they weren't bitching!

But nothing is static. Both of us got busy doing things that we did see each other doing and with a large no of people keeping dead-interest in what we are doing and giving suggestions, things started taking a different route. People whom we came to know just-like-that became a part of the UPDATES and ADVISES. Fine! But a miscommunication, a wall inside ourselves grew and like before I cared a bit.

This miscommunication were like having a MTS connection. On & Off we went. __, matured by age, immature by behaviour, turned dumb; although we still think it's the summer-effect. Me, the egoistic of all, gave a damn, told myself I can have a good time without the whole world and went on running. (I am still as I write). But, how long, oh dear, how long you can ignore?

When __ was returning from a small Waterloo kinda battle, in the trade he is best, small brawl happened even though we were having the brawl through text messaging (Yes we live in the world where cellphones texts brings lives closer), I grew angrier than ever, ready to declare War of Roses on __.

For the next few days, I went on deciding how to build my army, which way to attack, remembering all those its & bits I used to be told by so & so, asking me to EFF OFF. But in the hot month of April, on a Saturn's Day (Yes!!!!!!! Saturn has lots of blessings on me), I decided I need to find peace for once, before it's too late. Yaar after all I am just a girl standing in front of a.... Uhmmm  After all I am Pieces.

So at an hour when I should had been back at home, I rush to a place I dislike the most. Decided if it has to be the last day of my free-life let it be, after all once in life you act stupid, and the courage that I have gathered finally, I decided am gonna wait and sign a treaty (don't take it literally) and go back home.

So I waited. In between waiting, I dropped my cell in a drain, bought mineral water, cleared my throat, decided over and over again what to say.

Doing all these, when I turned back I saw __ standing. And all I could manage to say was - Sorry. Yes. After that what happened I can't even remember and I guess it's not meant to be shared also (Oye stopped thinking other way around). And finally peace prevailed. I am really happy it did.

So the main point in writing this down is because I have acted the craziest I could had ever. I have no idea what's next in store. And after months I accept, scared a heck lot inside, that the rumors are false but my heart's feelings are not. I loved when __ one day had dragged me all the way and said things which he doesn't remember at all now. And I was thinking of saying something but I a scared pig couldn't. I just hope the tears that rolled out, had spoken enough for __ to understand.

Right now, I don't mind breaking my heart over again, I don't mind what people say, bitch or what rumors fly, coz for the first time, literally - I GIVE A DAMN, coz I know what's inside me.

What I care is what we have. I am scared fish. Scared about everything. But this won't stop my gusto from ____. All these makes me relish the sweetest goodbye.

Ok that's it. All crap!!

P.S. Stop giggling or wondering what this post is about. Even I am yet to understand why I wrote this!!


iambeingme said...

btw I liked reading it.. interesting view point.

raat jaga taara said...