Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Perfectly estranged

“So, I get to see you after so many days. What brought you here?”

She woke up, hoping, she will be waking up, to those questions. But destiny and the burning morning sunlight had other business kept for her. Realizing where she was, she kick started the car again, and drove back out of the town, back way homeward.

Her mind went back, making her mind cling on suddenly to the old old things; she felt heavy and left a silent sigh and hoped and wondered if things weren’t the way it were.

She stopped, in the middle of the road, without warning the world around. The thoughts kept on coming, rushing and clotting her head. She picked up the phone, it was 6 AM, “too early for office people to realize they have office; too early for … to wake up.”

She called up her most trustworthy chap in the office and cancelled all her meetings. She decided to give office a miss. She felt good, for the first time in the morning.

As she was nearing her home, she stopped her car, and decided to buzz in for a cup of coffee. Rarely or maybe she never ever wanted to try the morning coffee and the catch-you-at-breakfast, as her past and she were never morning people. But now things are different. No matter when she goes to sleep, she is awake at sharp 7. Most of the time, forcing her body against its own will. Then almost two hours of gym and back home, freshen up and off to office. This has been her daily routine for quite some time.

But the perfect world that she had made around herself, was so near to perfect or almost cosmetically perfect that inside, deep inside, she longed for a break, a change, a ray of hope. She just couldn’t handle the thoughts that came rushing in her head. She needed coffee, badly.

As she entered the café, a smell of I-once-so-loved-smell came. She walked really slowly to the counter and without glancing at the menu, she decided what to order. She always came decided.

“One black coffee, with double shot of cocoa and another simple regular coffee with only one spoon of milk. Sugar we’ll add. What say Miss?”

A familiar voice struck her head. She didn’t want the familiar voice to be who she was thinking it to be. But who was that person. She knew. She almost forced her head to turn and saw that person standing in front of her, all smiles and wanting to hug her back. She felt the happiest and yet a deep melancholy note got stuck inside her stomach, climbing up to her heart and finally striking a note on her left hand and choking her voice. She wanted to grab the person and hug that person hard. However, her composed and disciplined ‘SHE’ protested against her emotions and she stood there with blank expression.

“What not excited to see me? Or wondering why the hell she is bothering me?”

Her mind asked her own self – Should I speak? Should I react the way my inside wants? Should I say what I really want to? Or should I just say what should be said?

“What’s wrong?”

Her lips moved, she decided to speak. She paused, thoughts came to the tip of her tongue, she phrased her sentences quickly and said – “Hi.”

“Bas? That’s it? No asking how are you? Where have you been? How come you are here?”

She wanted her best friend to read her mind. She was tired mentally, physically, emotionally to say anything. And the question struck her head – Are they still the way they used to be? Nothing remained same. 

Shouldn’t she had been sure when long back they bowed and called themselves as best friends and to remain so, eternally?

Words were just not coming out of her mouth yet there were so many things she was saying.

The coffee arrived and her eyes went down, as if she found some really important stuff to concentrate on but she was actually concentrating more on her thoughts that she was trying to think and say without saying.

“So c’mon tell me where have you been? It’s not that you disappeared, maybe we got busy. But am so glad I found you this morning or else it is really hard to catch you. You are always on your own damn world of work and I need some space. How is life? You know I never thought I will be asking you such questions once?!”

She got up without saying anything. She wanted to leave but she stood there.

“What happened?”

And then frustrated she lied – “I am finding this place uncomfortable. I need space. It’s congested.”

“We can go to our place if you want but you might be having office, so I won’t force you.”

She wanted to come yet she wanted to be with Jim. It has been more than 24 hours than she hadn’t seen him.

“How about you come to place if that is ok with you?”

They looked into each other’s eyes for few seconds. Her friend knew that she didn’t want to be with her because there were a lot of things that was bothering her about her presence. And she knew that her friend got to knew what her mind was thinking. Wasn’t this the reason they loved each other a lot?

“Come lets go to your place. You have a lot to update ourselves with. Uhmmm, but your office?”

“I just woke up at a place which made me realize there is no harm in screwing up your perfect and ideal lifestyle, for a day or two or forever, everyday.”

Black Rose Gal believes whatever happens, happens for a reason; be it for the better or worse. It was always meant to happen and no one can stop it from happening. So no one has the right to question that happening. However anyone and everyone can judge the situation as it is a human nature to judge. But whatever you decide after judging, be sure that your judgment is correct, or else it is going to affect you till the end.

The post is a continuation of Part I - Perfect…, Part II - She is not so Perfect but... and Part III - Perfectly ending up at the wrong place

The Perfect series for the readers.